Natalie Dee Artwork

Natalie Dee's quirky artwork - my particular favourite!

Remind you of anyone?

http://www.nataliedee.com/050908/now-im-a-superhero.jpg

Work Experience Obtained!

I've had work experience before at a local newspaper for a few weeks back in 2006, but this is my first work placement in the big wide world of journalism. I will undertake a 10 day placement in London at the Time Out London magazine Headquarters next September. It will be a welcome addition to my CV and I cannot wait!

Musings in the shower

I've just realised how difficult getting out of things is. Getting out of bed, of a soaking, warm shower, of lies/awkward situations, of relationships, of debt, of Topshop dresses, of a maze....perhaps these things are difficult for us to get out of due to the fact they are not something that can be taken lightly. They require decisions, which allow us to weigh up the pros and the cons and to act rationally. (extraordinarily hard to do when you're going through an anxiety/depression phase, anyway!)

Thank God for awkward decisions I suppose, or who knows what our lives would be like!

Murderous Intent.

I'm on a roll: two in one day!

(But seriously, there will probably be another hiatus of about 6 months, so don't close that 'youtube' tab just yet)

An extraordinary rush of ambition has hit me today and encouraged me to get in contact with London companies to apply for work placements at publishing companies and magazine houses! This extraordinary rush of ambition has yet to be put into action, however, though I'm sure over the course of the next three years it will be. (Well, students are known for their procrastination, aren't they?)

I'd love to keep my end goal in sight, and it's difficult to do so when you're slogging away on a 2,000 word essay on the origins of the First World War and resisting the urge to trap your arm in the window and spend a few hours at A&E, just to spend a few hours away from your desk.

Fingers crossed there will be some success....

(With the work experience, not with the 'maiming arm in window' plan.)

Hello, old friend.

It's been a while, and lots has been accomplished in the last few months.

Firstly, flights to and from Barcelona with my boyfriend (with a holiday sandwiched in between) has perpetuated my desire for travel and doused the flames of my flying fears!

Secondly, a move to university to study my passions of English Literature and History has done wonders in introducing me back to my academia, and is helping me re-discover myself in the solitude of my little cell on campus accommodation. In many ways it's been a flight of myself.

Thirdly, and not so warmly, there has been a sharp increase in my anxiety symptoms; one in particular breakdown a few weeks ago left me in complete agony, although thankfully with medication I'm climbing back up the ladder. I used to see mental illness as a flaw to myself. In many ways I probably still do. However, I look at some people and wonder if they've ever had to suffer the torments of their own mind. To be tortured by your own mind, your own thoughts, your own reflection of reality, is single handedly one of the worst things you can be subjected to. You are the perpetrator and the victim. But trying to work out which is which can contort you into such feelings of misery. And, I suppose, many of my upsets are brought on by my sensitivity and my empathy for others. To imagine myself without these tenancies would be like imagining a factory without workers. I need this ability to be able to sort myself out, and to function. I couldn't bear being without vulnerability, as it is what makes me human. I would rather have this vulnerability on show for people I care about to highlight my fallibility and my human nature, than to appear like a robot who cares for no-one.

However, I digress. One needs an outlet for emotions like a crab needs specially made shoes to aid its side-ways walking. So, I have ambitiously invested a vast amount of money (£2.40) in a sketch pad, to work on sketches and drawings for some comic ideas I have in mind. This may turn out diabolical, with lashings of violence and misery, but rather on a page than in my mind?

On another note, I was contemplating with my friend why people don't just die. People who cause such pain in your life and care only for themselves. I leave you with a helpful quote from said friend (ironically, one of the prettiest and daintiest creatures you could find) designed to help quell your violent intentions:

"My sister and I used to imagine ex-boyfriends, friends, people in a blood bath of agony. This was some time ago. The people we put in are probably all dissolved by now, so there's still room for your misery. It makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside."