Alone.

I don't know what to do right now. I feel alone. I feel pathetic. I don't know what to do. Why do I get like this? I just really need someone to cuddle. My Grandad, right now. I just want a bit cuddle and to smell his comforting scent and to sob uncontrollably into his shoulder rather than just thin air. I want him to tell me everything's going to be OK. I want him to be there for me, and I want to be there for him.

I feel so stagnant and down and lost. I just want to hide away from life. My brain feels it's locked in cement and can't permeate the walls. I don't even know who to turn to...I feel so frustrated and angry at no-one in particular. I feel insane and not with it. It feels like I've just been folded up and swallowed. I feel sick. And the person I want is no longer here for me physically.

Part of me wants more pills. Part of me wants to just forget about this world. Part of me wants to just wants to go crazy. I just sob and sob until it's all out.

It's all I can do. For now.